Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
