She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
