there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
