I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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