Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
