i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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