Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
