Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
