Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
