yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
