Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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