It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize