Yo dont text me then not text me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just gargled with NyQuil
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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