just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
