:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
