just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
