At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
