Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
