I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
