The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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