Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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