In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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