There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
