id be glad to
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
