I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
