That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
