i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize