yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
