That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
