are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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