I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
