So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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