I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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