Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize