Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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