I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
