my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
