you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
