last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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