found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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