Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize