I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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