just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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