This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
