4 words: hood of his car
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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