Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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