I want to walk on stilts...naked
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
