I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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