Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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