I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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