well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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