Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
