I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize