So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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