she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
