Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
