it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
