apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
