worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
