I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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