Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
