When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
