you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
