i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize