I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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