Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
