he shaved USA in his pubs
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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