Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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